What the future holds...

For a while now I have wondered where to take this blog, but it seems to me that I need to really focus on what is happening in our lives and use it as a real outlet, because right now big things are happening. And I do believe that this means the blog may turn far more towards a focus on endo, marriage and trying for a family than anything else... I hope this means I will make some new blogging friends with similar experiences, but without alienating any of my current readers!

Anyway, I better fill you all in on exactly what is going on. First things first, I finished the Synarel spray (used to induce a pseudo-menopause) just over a week ago, and things are interesting right now. I am constantly exhausted and I can only assume this is due to my hormones doing a rebalancing act. I've also had the odd day of bleeding (bright red) but nothing more, so I am warily waiting to see what happens.

I say "warily" because the whole point of trying the Synarel spray was to give my Mirena coil chance to really get going and help with the endo (my previous one stopped my periods, although didn't stop the endo growing back). I really want a few months of feeling good again, and for that reason I have given in my notice at work and shall be taking a few months out before returning to a previous job which is far more flexible. However, I am also wary because Tim and I are wanting to try for a family soon, and this means having the coil removed and who knows what "fun" that could bring.

The older I get, the harder it is to fight the maternal instinct that, for me, kicked in at a very young age. As a 9 year old, watching my mum work as a childminder, I knew that one day I wanted to be a parent myself. Growing up, I took opportunities to babysit and subsequently work in nurseries and day care, however in the previous year or two, especially since meeting Tim, the desire to start a family has really kicked in, spurred on by the fact that I am now old enough to consider it and that I am seeing friends and family having their own families too. It must also be mentioned that we are aware that the endo could well mean we could have difficulties falling pregnant and though we try not to worry about it, it is something we accept we may have to deal with one day soon.

Of course, to begin with, I was the only broody one of the two of us, but since our nephew was born Tim has caught the baby-bug too and we would like to think that after our wedding in October (my health permitting) we can think about trying for a family of our own. Scary, but exciting stuff. Especially when I watch things like "One Born Every Minute" - that's enough to make anyone want a baby!

This brings me on to another thing - money. We are not rich, far from it, and my coming out of work and considering part-time work only means money will only get tighter. It is the driving factor between us moving - if we ever want to be able to do this, then we need to live somewhere cheaper than in the commuter belt for our capital city. I have struggled with this, as I feel immense guilt at times for putting the pressure upon Tim to provide for us, yet I know that if we are ever to be able to have a family I will need to time to ensure I am strong and healthy and able to care for both myself and the baby. So the change is required. I just feel guilty about it.

So that's where I'm at... a hormonal wreck in some ways and struggling with the stress of changing towns, changing jobs, changing lives... many changes indeed. So I think this blog really will become far more of an outpouring of what is happening than anything truly constructive, so don't expect any well-thought-out posts any time soon!