Sacred Life Sunday - Blessings

I shall have to dig out the button and link for Sacred Life Sunday from my old blog, as this is something I feel I really need to get back in to the practise of. For those of you who didn't follow my old blog, Sacred Life Sunday was about writing blog posts that focused on anything sacred to you and finding inspiration and beauty in life.

Today's post is about Blessings and is chosen because I need to remind myself of all I have to be thankful for. Right now I am tucked up in bed aching, sick and exhausted beyond belief after a nightmare week at work and a weekend taken up entirely by packing boxes and cleaning the house as we made our interim move to the in-laws. I felt like crying by mid-afternoon today and probably would have been a wreck if not for the tablets I am currently taking, but after managing to sit down for half an hour in a softly lit room and taking the time to pray and give myself some Reiki (both of which are long overdue), I felt much calmer and realised I was looking at this all wrong.

Just before Christmas, following a terribly dark period in my life, I felt much more peace at knowing we had made a decision that would ultimately make our lives better by taking the focus of financial stresses and giving us more time to be together and enjoy each other much more often. But, as the stresses piled up I found it harder and harder to find that quiet trust that essentially things were ok and all I saw was the hardships. Time to take stock indeed!

So, below is just a small list of all the blessings within my life right now:

• Tim - he keeps me sane, loves me with all his heart and reminds me that all that really matters is that we are together
• my parents - they are so wonderfully supportive, no matter what and love me, even when I do not love myself
• the rest of my family - I never really just how amazing they were until I grew up and saw how many children grow up without a loving, understanding, supportive network around them
• my friends - I have always been blessed with many friends and feel sad when I find people who do not have this same blessing... I'd do anything for my friends and I know most of them would do anything for me, which reminds me what life and love is all about
• my faith - although my faith wavers and I often have doubts and stresses over what it all means, I have never once had a lack of faith... by that I mean I have always believed that someone or something out there is watching over me and knows what is in my heart even when I do not fully understand it or am unable to put how I feel in to words
• the world - our world is so beautiful, with breathtaking scenes and events taking place all around us, if only we stop and notice... a beautiful sky changing with the day, a flower blossoming, the sun shining of newly fallen snow, a cat coming to visit or a tree whispering in the breeze...
• books - if it weren't for books I would be lost... seriously, as a child I remember being scared of dying not because of dying itself but because I couldn't take my books with me... funny, huh, but shows how much I love reading
• a warm home - well, not always warm but much cosier than living on the streets like some people have to do, I am so lucky to have a place to come home to at the end of the day
• health - ok, so my health is rubbish sometimes it really is, but I do not have anything terminal and I am still able to get out of bed in the morning unaided, go about my life independently and plan for a future (even if it may not be as I had always planned/imagined/dreamed)
• happy news - I love happy news, like following a friend's adoption success, counting down the days to my dad's retirement at the end of the month, seeing a friend blossom and grow into a beautiful, independent person, and hearing of other friends' beautiful wedding over Christmas

I could go on, but I don't need to any more... I know I am blessed and thank God for that right now and hope I will remember to do this whenever I feel myself flagging

I hope you're having a wonderful Sunday, wherever you are

Love

Amanda

Headaches and things

This is an endo post, so if that doesn't interest you then skip this one and I'll see you back here shortly!

I'm currently on month 3 of a 4 month induced menopause. I tried one of these last year with terrible results (I only made a month because the Zoladex injection had such awful affects I couldn't function at all). This time round we tried Synarel nasal spray and HRT (Add Back) patches instead of tablets and so far I've been doing ok... tired and achy but ok.

I was also put on antidepressants and for a while was doing pretty darn good. This past month, however, the menopausal symptoms have got to me. Hot flushes catch me out, sleepless nights tire me and headaches spoil my day. I'm at the doctors every month at the moment and last time I went I spoke to her about the lack of sleep and headaches. When I say headaches I mean the ones that make you feel physically sick, throb when you move and/or make it hard to focus on anything. At first I thought it was because I spend more time looking at a computer screen in artificial light all day but then I realised I did that before and my head was fine. Suddenly I was suffering from them 70-80% of the time and painkillers did little to help.

The doctor prescribed yet another antidepressant, only this time in a low dose that is commonly used for chronic pain. Amitriptyline it's called, and since being prescribed it I have found several people I know who have tried it. My doctor warned me that I might feel "groggy" or "slightly hungover" for a day or two but to persevere with the tablets. So, I tried my first one when I knew I didn't have to work the next day. Unfortunately, "groggy" is no a word I would use... I was completely out of it!

It took Tim about an hour to drag me out of bed. I just couldn't stay awake and every time he woke me up I'd drift back off to sleep but not even realise I was dreaming until he said something to me and I woke up again. Then we proceeded to move some of the stuff from our house to his parents and I just wasn't with it at all. I almost fell asleep on our niece's bed whilst she was playing with her dolls and talking to me... this never happens, I usually take ages to fall asleep!! The worst part was that I returned to work the next day and still wasn't really with it. And I found out from my colleague and my aunt that both of them had experienced the same thing. Neither had taken more than one tablet and I have refused to take another one too.

So now I am stuck... do I try half a tablet and hope it has less of an effect but helps with the headaches or do I just try and live with the headaches for the month I have left of this menopause? I see the doctor in two weeks time so I will talk to her then, she told me to go back sooner if things got worse, but with all that is going on I don't know if I'll manage to get an appointment anyway (you can't make advanced appointments wit our doctor, it's a call on the day and hope there are some left kind of surgery and as it is in another village I can't get to unless someone drives me there, getting to see someone is somewhat difficult.)

Has anyone else suffered from this kind of pain when going through an induced menopause? Has anyone used Synarel or Amitriptyline? I could do with some advise about this one...

Busy, busy, busy

Things are rather hectic here at 22... we're in the midst of packing and relocating temporarily before our big move "up North", we're applying for jobs and looking for houses to live in, and we've decided to bring our wedding day forward to this coming autumn (a provisional date has been set, whoo hoo!)

This means the blog and my story have gone on hold for a little while, but so much is running through my head and nearly everyday I figure a little bit more out and know where I am heading with both my life and this novel. It's a very exciting time, if rather stressful at moments.

I'm covered in bumps and bruises from hefting sofas and tables and cabinets up and down stairs, into vans and all round the houses (quite literally as well as metaphorically) and emotions are becoming strained with sadness at ending this part of our lives and fear of the next unknown, but on the whole we are positive, happy and excited. Besides, as Tim put it when we had finally managed to manoeuvre the sofa up the stairs, round the bend and in to our temporary abode "we can achieve anything, if we stick together"... and he's right. Sometimes it really is just the two of us left alone to deal with all the crap that life throws at us, but look how far we have come and how close we are because of it - if we can survive the previous two years at the very beginning of our relationship, we can survive anything. Bring it on world, we're ready for ya!

Readers' Panel

Following on from my previous post, the chapters for the first book are all planned and I am so excited as I get to grips with expanding them all in reality as well as figuring out the chapters for the following two books (if all goes to plan). It is exciting, though sometimes hard not to fall into skimming over the details in order to get to the more juicy bits of storyline...

For this reason, I am considering setting up a Readers' Panel - a group of people who I can rely on to read through a few chapters at a time, giving me their feedback on whether the characters and environment are "real", if the amount of detail is enough and more than anything else, whether it is enjoyable.

Tim is my only reader at the moment and I will more than likely draft in my sister and a couple of friends from my real-life world, however I realise these people may be "biased" and want a wider spectrum of people to read through it. With this is mind, I would like to open up this post to comments from any of my blog readers who have an interest in becoming one of my Readers' Panel... if you're interested, leave a comment saying so!

Of course, there are a few requisites:

• The story is based in a fantasy world, so you will need to have an interest in reading a story that includes magic and Gods
• I need to have known you for a while (i.e. you've commented on here several times) so that I know you are not going to run off with the story and make it your own
• You need to be prepared to give constructive criticism as well as praise - I need to know how I am doing as a writer, not just as "a friend"
• You need to be aware that the story will come in several stages, updated as I progress through the chapters, which dependent upon my time restrictions may be several weeks/months between one part of the story and the next (that means you may have to be patient!!)

I'm a little scared of putting my work "out there" like this, but realise that if I am ever to live my dream of writing for an audience then I have to take this jump into the unknown at some point. I'll see how much of a response I get to this post and then figure out if and how I will create this Readers' Panel and then email anyone who was interested with the details (which means I will need your email address if you sign up).

Right now though I am off to write some more... my weekend has been eaten up by wedding planning and packing boxes ready for our move and I want to make the most of the few hours I have left. Hope you've all had a wonderful weekend xx

Fantasy Worlds

Following on from the success of the poetry series last month, my writing enjoyment has increased no end. I have re-found the joy of creating a whole world for myself and others to enjoy, whilst finding a new faith in my ability to do this.

For many years my dad has been convinced I was going to "write a book" that would be enjoyed by many, but it never seemed more to me than the belief of a proud (and slightly biased) parent. Even though it was a dream of mine to do exactly that. In fact, I have often thought of what I could write and started something last summer during one of my many breaks from work due to my health. But once I got back to work I forgot all about it and it all just ground to a halt.

Over the Christmas period I re-read one of my most favourite fantasy trilogies, one I never knew existed until I met Tim (fantasy worlds are one of our shared joys). The world was so real and the characters so "touchable" that I longed to produce a similar success and for once thought I might have a chance. With a few tweaks, my idea began to take a much stronger form and the world started taking on a life of its own. In one day I wrote the beginning chapter which, when added to the prologue, took my word count up to 7,000. I have never found it so easy to write that many words, making me realise that I was really on to something.

Of course, in a fantasy world, it is not just the characters that have to become real, but the land it is set in, the lives of the people and the little things that make the world unique. It is fun, yet challenging, and I have enjoyed spending my lunch breaks this week planning out the chapters and working out these finer details. There is still a long way to go, things I am not so adept at, like drawing maps and plans to the abbeys and villages and even the palace where this is set. But what fun...

When I first got Tim to read what I had written so far, the doubts began to creep in... what happens if it is not as good as I think it is, what happens if I have put too much detail and not enough dialogue in, what happens if it just isn't "real" to anybody else... so many thoughts running through my head. And yet, Tim absolutely loved it and cannot wait to read more. He may be biased, of course he may, but he does read an awful lot of fantasy books and I am sure he knows what makes a good one.

So, 2010, my year of possibility, really has started with a flourish and although I do not want to put too much about this book on my blog just yet (here's hoping it may one day be publishable, either by normal means or online somehow), I hope you will join me in celebrating the joy of creation and how much fun it can be. I never thought I would get to this place, but then again I also never thought I would write a whole series of poems like I did last month. You really can do as much as you set your mind and heart to. So tell me, what does your heart desire?

Quick hello ...

Hi id thought id wish everyone a happy new ! i dont post on here much at the moment as i am rubbish at organising time to write as i work shift on a busy neuro ward at a hospital . Im always quite happy to sit and do nothing after running around after sick patients all day ! Still I love my job and i work as part of a great nursing team looking after acutely ill patients from all walks of life.

We all love Christmas with all its festivity's and we all hope for a prosperous new year but please remember that this time of year is the coldest so try to take care great care on snow and ice and to look out for old people as we see a lot of head injury's which can claim lives and alter lives there familys life forever. I hope you all get through this period safely and please spare a thought for loved ones who need extra support this time of year.

All my love Tim x

New Year, New Blog...

... well a new template at least. I spent this afternoon putting away the Christmas decorations. Christmas is over and so is the old year, it is time to bring in the new, right now. 2010 is going to bring many changes for us, including a move from number 22 (what are the chances of us moving into another house number 22?!) But as this blog is so very new I don't want to change it yet again, and, well, 22 is a magic number in many ways... it was at 22 I discovered I could paint pictures that really moved people. It was at 22 that we celebrated our engagement and began to dream of what the future could really hold for us. And it was at 22 that I started my poetry series which made me realise how much scope there was for spreading my work on this blog.

I want this blog to become more than just a rambling of thoughts, I want it to showcase all that I am (yeah, I know Tim is involved in this blog, but trying to get him to write a post is like trying to draw blood from a stone, so his job is now to take photos, make tasty foods and be the one who does the "important stuff" so I can get down to business on here - so he is still a major part of the blog, you know!) Therefore, as I am the one writing the posts I want them to focus on every aspect of what is going on in our lives, from the day-to-day happenings right through to my lifelong dream of writing for a regular audience.

Dreams have always been a focus in my life, I am a dreamer there is no getting away from that fact. Sometimes I become downhearted when reality just doesn't seem to live up to my dreams, but you know what, they still have such a big part to play... if I couldn't dream I wouldn't strive for anything, I wouldn't have written my advent series and I certainly wouldn't be considering some of the things I am right now. Dreams are good and it was at 22 that these dreams were created, refined and given power to become reality... 22 really is where dreams do come true.

So, welcome to the new, revamped 22, I look forward to seeing you here over the next 12 months and beyond. Right now, however, I have a bit more editing to do until the blog looks exactly how I dreamt it would - ta ta for now xx